[Transcript] - The following is a public service announcement:
To all of you ugly people: I am beautiful. I am fantastic! I am what I am. Deal with it!
It may surprise you, but I'm not the only beautiful person on the planet. We feel it's time we took a stand against discrimination! I mean, sure. I'll never be hit on by gay male 400-pound yiffers, but that doesn't mean my life is easy. And sure, I may call in late a lot because I'm hung over, but I can always count on you to carry the workload for me on the fat chance I'll fuck you. After all, you're the ones who give people like me cushy jobs you'd never get. It's wholly unfair that you always coddle us into laughable stupidity, then call us shallow...
Our lives are harder than you think. You ugly-ass fuckers have more advantages. For one, you have stealth. We can't see you at all. If we could we'd probably beat your ass for being so ugly! I might make fun of you, but you're not the one who has to worry about being kidnapped and sold into slavery. You have the advantage of not being cared about and being left to raise yourselves --while we become emotionally and intellectually stifled from overprotective parenting.
I saw pictures of Ted Bundy's victims. None of them were munters, but I notice you're still here.
You may be good at that computer stuff, but unless you play guitar.. you bastards will never know what it's like to build a fortune only to have it cleaned out by some skank you mistook as your soulmate. Your parents may throw you out on your ass when they catch you with drugs, but ask this question: "Just what am I learning when my parents believe the old 'I was holding it for someone else' cliche?" That's right, when I'm 35 I'll be uglier than you, but I won't have the mechanism to deal with it. I could end up jobless, friendless, and turning tricks on the street!
You people don't have to worry so much about sensualy transplanted diseases. Come on, STDs! That's the worst thing in the world! They may be completely preventable through responsible behaviour, but look how attractive we are! Can we really be expected to help ourselves?!
And we face the bleak prospect of getting old. You do, too, but no one notices.
January is Beautiful People Awareness Month! Do your part to promote tolerance! |
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