| [2006 April 28] When I was a teenager and had decided to run off to seek a penpal 500 miles away I happened on a bar. Yes, I was too young to buy anything alchoholic, but soda beat walking around in the rain. That honor was saved for the entirety of the rest of the trip. Several things I notices were the volitility of certain people, the complete lack of care of pretty much anyone else, and the crappy muzak constantly playing on the jukebox. It wasn't as stifling as I make it out to be --that was the music, but the rest of the experience was an interesting lesson in human psychology.
There are others that act a lot like Carl. They get there in a quiet mood, drink and start talking, keep drinking and start talking trash, and keep drinking and get kicked out or told to leave. These are the ones that are typically given the credit as being the ones who make a bar 'interesting'. That's complete bullshit.
In a bar there are people who watch. They watch television, each other, people around them, their drinks, etc. They never talk. Even though it's a bar and there are plenty of other idiots to talk to, they just sit there slowing stewing in whatever they're drinking. Eventually they get up and leave like they were waiting for someone (even if they were with someone already), that being even if they were greeted as one of the regulars.
The bikers are the more interesting people. They act like.. 'polite pirates'. They goof off, push each other around, indecently grab the girls, yell, and otherwise carry-on. But they typically act in an adult manner and even help as temporary bouncers. Chaotic, yet.. lawful.
The local good-ol-boys consist of cowboys, factory workers, and middle managers. The managerial types are normally the more social kind towards strangers. If you're not from around there you're interesting. An oddity. The others may whisper to themselves about you, but the managerial types will talk to you, but hide what they think of it and you behind their silence and glances to each other. Other than that they couldn't care less.
Barkeeps are as you'd expect. They can be social and friendly, a bit more generous than you deserve, but in the end it's business and if you expect to sit there and take up space they'll have you leave. Well, so what. So I spent the rest of the night in an abandoned train caboose, which in itself was a lot more interesting than the bar. | |
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[Transcript] - Carlisle Hollingsworth as Observed by Iggy
Definitely one of our most notorious regulars. He's never done anything drastic enough to get banned, but he is definitely the most conspicuous jeckle and hyde personality here. The others are assholes. They become even bigger ones when inebriated. The few non-assholes become even more benevolent. Carl is unique. An active member of his church, stable family, and he tends to surround himself with good communitarians. His pattern is as follows...
He comes in two or three nights a week, when his job and social functions aren't absorbing his schedule, keeping him out of trouble. He starts at about 7 to 8pm. Once buzzed he's an eloquent socialite. He likes to have fairly intelligent discussions and gets along with everyone. He's a pretty good entertainer, to be exact. Come about 9 or 10pm, he's to the point where he cannot open his eyes. His closet nerd comes out to haunt us, and he morphs from the tolerant listener to a smart-assed, condescending, know-it-all. Finally, come 11pm or 12am, he gets goofy. I mean, really goofy. Small as he is, his tolerance is amazing. Half of our perfect attendees can't hold his record.
He never gets dangerous, just cocky. We have had to throw him out on occasion, but we usually just send him home. I've footed the bill for a cab a few times, and my boss a few more. More recently, his wife works out the transportation.
He's not a two-dimensional cutout like most of our patrons. He has the tendancy to overdress slightly --a sign of self-consciousness. He reminds me of the old farts who were still alive when I was growing up.
One of Carl's more distinctive characteristics, this despite getting drunk off his ass and getting as cocky as any of the rig workers here, is he never will, even accidentally, utter one single swear word. |
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